Cheese, Egg and Pancake Sandwich

Greg was hooked on the McGriddle and we couldn't afford his habit. A month in the St. Bernice of the Heathen Springs Rehab got the toxins out of his system, but the boy still craves the carbs and cholesterol.

So now we make the Cheese, Egg and Pancake sandwich. It's cheap, easy and takes less than three minutes.

You'll need:

2 Frozen Pancakes (or one bagel)
Egg
cheese
bowl (soufflé cup for bagels)
non-stick spray

Stack the frozen pancakes and microwave for 55 seconds.


While they are nuking, spray the bowl with non-stick spray. Add one egg in the bowl.


Beat the egg until it reveals the secret hideout.


Remove the pancakes from the microwave. I separate them so they begin to cool.


Nuke the egg for 20 seconds. It will still be a bit runny.


Add a godawful amount of cheese.


Cook for 20 - 25 seconds until the cheese is melted.


Use fork to help slide the melty goodness on to the pancake.


I leave the pancakes apart until Greg saddles up to eat it, otherwise the top pancake traps the heat on the inside and it remains too hot to eat for way too long.

Greg Eats


BONUS!

You can also make an egg and cheese bagel using the same method. Instead of a bowl, use a soufflé dish or otherwise the egg will spillover out the sides of the bagel.


Follow all the same steps except you might want to toast your bagel. The cheese may take a bit longer to melt in the more narrow confines of the soufflé dish.


Pro-Tip: Put 1/2 the bagel insides down on the inside the soufflé dish and turn upside down instead of trying to pull the egg and cheese goodness out.


Flip!


Top it and admire your work.


HolyJuan Eats


SUPER BONUS
Watch the nuclear abomination that is formed when egg, cheese and microwaves meet.

Signtific Lab

Turning Pink Slips into HOPE

LORAIN OH – Many hard working Americans are faced with possible job loss during these tough economic times and it is very easy for the recently dismissed to lose hope. Neild Mortgage, in Lorain, Ohio, has been laying off staff over the past few months and owner Orlando Neild decided to put a positive spin on the pink slip. “During the election, I was made hopeful by Obama’s campaign posters. The colors and letters make me feel good no matter what the message.” When Orlando was faced with having to lay off some of his staff, he decided to deliver the negative message with a positive attitude. His idea was to deliver the bad news with a message of HOPE.


“I feel that if you are going to deliver bad news, you might as well do it in a pretty way. Make it so that they can turn an unhappy event into lemonade.”


Orlando paid a graphic design firm over $45,000 dollars to design the pink slips and to come up with a “Feel Better in 2010” message. Orlando helped with the design, “I said ‘Keep the blue on the right. That is more positive.’ And in these minus times, we all need the positive.” Mr. Nield also helped with writing the positive messages and ensured that each employee was personally escorted out of the building by two Career Enhancers/Security Guards.

Jesus... that's morbid

No More Snow in 2009 for Columbus, OH

Central Ohio got hit by a nice sized snow and ice storm at the end of January. Schools were closed and everybody curled up in front of the fires for two days. A few days later, the local newscasters were discussing some computerized forecast outlooks that were calling for two feet of snow. The only issue was that these forecasts were ten days out. I don’t know a whole lot about weather, but I do know that even the best forecaster is only good on his/her guesses about five days out at best. Ten days is insane to be reporting the possibility of a snowstorm and getting the general public all in a tizzy.

So the next day at work, on or about February 2nd, I made the prediction that Columbus would not get another snow for the rest of winter. Erik poked me with a stick and made me define “snow.” My definition was anything greater than ¼” in 24 hours.

Well, that two feet of snow never materialized. And since that time, we have been predicted to have slush and fluffy snow and ice… but so far, my prediction has stood up.

I explained my bet to a local forecaster on Twitter and he said my luck was up as we were going to get 1/2” of slush the next day and 1” of fluffy snow the day after.

Well, he was completely wrong and my stupid prediction was still on.

Face and name of said forecaster hidden to protect his identity.

Yesterday, it was 70 degrees, which worries me because we always seem to get that late March early April snow here in central Ohio. But I might be in the clear.

So to add a bit of muscle to the prediction, here’s my up: No More Snow in 2009. I predict that Central Ohio, specifically Columbus, OH will not get another snow greater that ¼” within a 24 hour period for the rest of 2009. Obviously this includes November and December of 2009 as well.

There. I said it.

So when we get 36” of snow on April 7th, you’ll have me to blame.

I am a genus.

My newest t-shirt design at Skreened.com:



Check it out at http://skreened.com/holyjuan/genus.

How Tagalongs Girl Scout Cookies Nutrition Facts should be listed

After eating a whole box of Tagalongs today, I thought it best to edit the Nutrition Facts as they should be listed.

Doug Eats: Deluxe Grass Jelly Dessert - What is that which is not solid and not liquid but gives gas?

Last week, the team planned a fun lunch at the local Chinese all you can eat. Sadly, Ann got a fever and I could not join in the fun. Lucky for me, Jenn and Stephanie stopped next door at the Chinese grocery and picked me up some food for me to try out. Seeing as Erik is still dead from the Erik Eats a few months ago, it was my turn to step up.

Stephanie and Jenn with gifts of food.

Today on Erik Eats Doug Eats... Deluxe Grass Jelly Dessert


I'm not sure what it says on the can, but I assume that it explains how physics and gravity are both suspended within the confines of the can.


The top of the can has a lid with a folded up spoon on the inside. F'ing cool!



Transformers! More than meets the eye!

Bourarachutchchingcunchingchun!! (That is the transforming noise.)


Jen tests the spoon to see if it works and to remove any germs with her anti-bacterial saliva.


The top of the can has instructions on how to open it.


I follow them very carefully and mind my hand in the process.


Wait... my teeth are pretty grimy. I'm going to head to my dentist's office and get them cleaned and whitened. I'll be right back.

Much better!

Here is what opening the can reveals:


Holy shit! This looks like a collection of every gall stone removed in June of 1972.

We dump some of this on a plate to get a better look at the components.


We separate into the four food groups: ass, gunk, brown gel and goo


Instead of throwing this into the trash and running like a little girl down the hall and into the bathroom, I try it.


I love Stephanie's reaction in this one.




Wow. It is very hard to pallet the combination of solids and gels. There is a slight sweet taste, but only a man who eats sand for lunch could call this dessert.

Doug says...


I have to call this stuff a choking hazard.

HOLY SHIT! IT'S ERIK! BACK FROM THE DEAD!


Upon hearing my statement that the Deluxe Grass Jelly Dessert is a choking hazard, Erik wants to do a scientific study. He uses a tool of the trade, a choking detector.

This Safety 1st device lets the user know if something is a choking hazard. If the item fits in the device, it is a choking hazard. Erik fills it with this faux Newtonian Fluid.


Down the hatch!






Well. Not a choking hazard, but it does work as a great substitute for syrup of ipecac.

Next Week: Seven Days of Erik Eats!!

Creepy Face

Greg and I were playing around with Mr. Potato Head parts. He took this photo of me. I think I've scarred him. Again.

Cologne - all the words (Piano Orchestra Version)

Great song. Funny video. I wrote out the lyrics and I am sharing them with you. Feel free to take a word from the lyrics and use it in your daily conversations.



Here in Cologne
I know said it wrong
I walked you to the train
And back across alone
To my hotel room
And ordered me some food
And now I’m wondering
why the floor
has suddenly
become a moving target
4
3
2
1
I’m letting you go
I
will
let
go
if you will let go
4
3
2

Says here an astronaut
put on a pair of diapers
and drove 18 hours
to kill her boyfriend
And in my hotel room
I’m wondering
If you read that story, too
And if we both might
be having
the same
imaginary conversation
4
3
2
1
I’m letting you go
I
will
let
go
if you will let go
4
3
2
Ohhhhhhh
Weightless as I close my eyes
Ohhhhh
The ceiling opens in disguise

Such a painful trip
to find out this is it
and as I go to sleep
You’ll be waking up
4
3
2
1
I’m letting you go
I
will
let
go
If you will let go
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Bum
Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaah