HolyJuan

Doug Dances

The theme for one of the napkin drawing series last night was "Doug Dances." I'll leave it up to you to connect the dots. The top one is mine and the bottom one is Meshell's.

Am I puking a rainbow?

Find the Stuff

See if you can find the stuff in this napkin drawing by Meshell.

The Stuff:
Hamburger
Wine Bottle
Mouse
Ear of Corn
Fish
Banana
Heart
Star
Waldo
Buttered Toast
Bat
The Finger
Boobs
Butterfly
Hotdog

Hillary's last ditch fund raising plan

Greg Scores

Greg is good at soccer. He's no prodigy, but gosh darn it he's got some natural talent.

“Senior General Than Shweie, you're doing a heck of a job!"

In the midst of disaster, it is good to see that the United States’ President is concerned about the welfare of the people in Myanmar. While preparing for his daughter’s wedding and fighting terrorism, George W Bush has taken time out of his busy schedule to comment on the handling of the disaster in ex-Burma:

President Bush stated, “Senior General Than Shweie, you're doing a heck of a job!"

Hand written note from Hillary to Obama concerning the Florida and Michigan votes

The Yodeler

Today, I got an e-mail from my friend Meghan with the subject: "Bad Boy. "Thinking it was porn, I immediately opened it up. It read, "what the heck are you doing! i say, bad Doug, bad!"

This was the attached photo:

A photo of me, peeing on a sheet of cardboard? Once I got over the initial disappointment that it was not porn, I took a closer look and noticed that this was no ordinary sheet of cardboard! This was a cardboard mock up of "The Yodeler" exhibit. It was a interactive health exhibit, based on the Cliff Hangers game from The Price is Right. Instead of dollars, each tick was a gram of fat. Guests would cycle through a day of meals and choose foods that would usually eat.

After each meal, the yodeler would go up the cliff the number of fat grams your selected meal had. If you picked over 72 grams of fat... over the edge fatty!

Here's the final exhibit:

If there were an award for health exhibits based on The Price Is Right games, this would at least get second place.

I'm not sure if it was Meghan's intent, but I spent a while reminiscing about the design, fabrication and installation of this exhibit. Those were very, very good times.

Located within the Health Royale Gallery at the The Clay Center
Concept, Design and Graphics by Roto Studio
Engineering and Beautiful Mountain by LifeFormations

Hindu Goddess Kali discovers that reincarnation ain’t all it’s cracked up to be

Thanks to Steph at DeKu Photography.

Very Disturbing to Look At: Two boys push dog into river

Saw this today on the internet... can you believe it?

Photos via - http://badcontrol.com/?p=805

Save the Day - Star Wars

I knew I had seen that photo somewhere!

Save the Day photo via - http://badcontrol.com/?p=805.
Star Wars photo used without permission though Wikipedia references Star Wars and so I'm sure it's perfectly legal.

Apples downgraded to "other" status

I buy juice and in the past, I have been tricked. Our family enjoys the taste comforts of cranberry juice and usually we buy it mixed with grape or apple. On occasion, I have been tricked into purchasing "cranberry juice cocktail" which is a portion of cranberry juice and a lot of high fructose corn syrup.

Now I know to look for the 100% juice label:

This week, I purchased the Kroger Brand Cranberry Grape containing 100% juice. Because the Cranberry came first in the name on the label, I assumed that it was the most popular juice in the bottle. Grape would obviously be in second.

When I got home, I noticed the very lengthy description on the label. It seems that there is a BONUS "1 other fruit juice" blended in!

What could this BONUS fruit be? It would have to be something tropical like Guava or maybe something exotic like Mangosteen!! And it would have to be a small portion of juice since the name of unsaid juice isn't on the label. Let's look at the Ingredients!

Apple? Not only is apple the "other fruit" but it is also the second highest portion right after grape. The drink should be called Grape Apple Cranberry Juice.

I felt like complaining to Kroger for their trickery, but then I took another look at the label and realized that the poor apple, the food staple from our youth that came in both box and foil bag, has been down graded to "other" status.

Kroger's whip smart marketing team believes that if you put the word "apple" on the label, people will not buy the juice because they believe it is a second class juice! This is an outrage! The apple has stood by us year after year and its deeds should be recognized, not shunned to "other" status. Apple should be written in BOLD letters on the label! We should highlight it and add bright flashing lights around this word Apple that Kroger fears. Let us hold up apple to the status it deserves!

And this way, when I am trying to buy just Grape Cranberry juice, I will know to avoid the one with the large bold letters and flashing lights.

Erik Eats: Pucca Chocolate – Succulent aquatic holy crunch which pleasure chew magnify

After suffering from two weeks of gut wrenching food poisoning, Erik is back with a delightfully cute and fun snack called Pucca Chocolate. Will this fun loving snack trick us back to the hospital?

The snacks seem to be fish and squid shaped with a chocolate blood center. It looks like some of them were killed with a very small caliber bullet. If we find a small piece of metal in the center, we’ll know.

Here's the top of the package. Look! They are "NEW!"

And the bottom with expiration date. Ouch... not so new. They expire in May of 2008. Luckily we are on the Godfearing side of the international date line and we have a few hours to polish them off.

On the back of the package is... what the hell? Is this some kind of puzzle?

It is! Here is the translation of the clue:

Using a decoder ring and the fumes from a few cans of Sterno, we are able to figure out the clues and decode the SUPER SECRET MYSTERY PUZZLE OF WORDS!

By now, Erik is high on Sterno fumes and giddy with hunger.

A pull and a tug and a rip and a tear.

A foil pack inside!

A-ha! The package within a package reveals...

...fish and squid crackers. With a whole lot of holes! Each cracker, be it squid or fish, shall have a hole and the number of holes shall be one. I assume that is how they fill the crackers with chocolaty blood goodness. But let's be sure...

A hammer blow should reveal the innards!

Whack!

Erik is too strong! The fish is smashed beyond recognition. Instead will try a sharp object. (Note: Photo was blurred to protect the viewer from seeing the blood squirting from Erik's fingers on his eighth attempt to cut a round, slippery fish cracker in half.)

Here is the insides of the fish:

I'm starting to think that the hole is used to blow air inside the fish to ensure that as much chocolate as possible is forced out.

Before we could eat any of the fish, Stephanie had an idea.

"Let's put the fish in it's natural habitat and see if it comes to life!"

So we got a container of water,

dropped the fish in,

watched it float,

watched it get soggy,

watched it sink after twenty minutes,

then pulled it out and tossed the gross soggy bit to leave the chocolate center behind.

We realized that was a complete waste of time and begged Erik to eat the fish.

He likes it!!!

Next week, we'll travel to Egypt and see what American foods taste like overseas when they are made in America, shipped overseas, purchased at an airport and then flown home to be digested.

White Queen and the Black Knight

We recently ordered in about thirty carpet samples from our supplier. While I was away at meetings, my VP took six of them and lined them up in front of her office door.

When I came back, I thought the squares looked chess boardy laying there on the floor. While she was gone, I added and White Queen and the Black Knight to the board.

I arranged the queen at her office door to represent her and the black knight to represent me. I wanted to give her a sense of dread and looming certainty that I would soon be taking over her spot and knocking her out of the game!

When I came back later, she had made a move! (I wasn't expecting that. I had taped the pieces to the board. There was only supposed to be looming certainty...)

I made a futile move.

And then she crushed me all while landing right back in her original office space.

I should know better.

(Nice shoes! The queen knows her shoes!)