Rat Trap Observations
I was at the local grocery store and upon exiting, noticed a large, fake rock sitting in front of the building. It was clearly a trap of some kind and created to look like a rock to fit in the natural surroundings and hide its intent to trap and kill rats and other large vermin.
Obviously, the manager of the store bought the rock thinking that it would look better than the standard, black box of death. Sadly the “rock” placement did not conceal the intent in the middle of a concrete sidewalk.
Greg and I were on our way to the Arnold Classic and I saw the perfect spot for the rock trap right next to a resturant. You’d never know the rat trap was there! But of course, neither would the chef.
What this is all boiling down to is while I was researching the rat trap, I found this walk in freezer, sticky mouse trap product:
I have three observations:
One: You think the first mouse to get stuck would have told the others that they might want to stay the fuck back.
Two: The next mouse that gets caught on this trap is going to have to search pretty hard for a spot. I think there some space in the back to the right, but someone is going to need to scooch over a bit.
Three: I don’t know about you, but those mice look pretty content. It actually looks pretty comfy.
But now that I’ve made three observations, I’ll make a few more low resolution observations.
Low Resolution Oservation #1: How the heck did this mouse get in the middle?
I assume that the material in the trap is sticky. Really sticky. How did this guy get in the center without getting stuck? I assume he had to climb over his buddy who wouldn’t move out of the way in the first place.
Low Resolution Observation #2: Mice don’t walk backwards.
Look at this sonofabitch. He didn’t walk backwards on to the trap, so I assume he crawled over Buddy #1 and Buddy #2 and then got stuck.
And this guy did the same freaking thing!
Final Observation: If you find yourself with a trap with this many mice in it, I think you should be doing a bit more than putting a sticky piece of plastic in your walk in freezer.
And as a bonus, a photo of me letting a rat eat out of my mouth.
Obviously, the manager of the store bought the rock thinking that it would look better than the standard, black box of death. Sadly the “rock” placement did not conceal the intent in the middle of a concrete sidewalk.
Greg and I were on our way to the Arnold Classic and I saw the perfect spot for the rock trap right next to a resturant. You’d never know the rat trap was there! But of course, neither would the chef.
What this is all boiling down to is while I was researching the rat trap, I found this walk in freezer, sticky mouse trap product:
I have three observations:
One: You think the first mouse to get stuck would have told the others that they might want to stay the fuck back.
Two: The next mouse that gets caught on this trap is going to have to search pretty hard for a spot. I think there some space in the back to the right, but someone is going to need to scooch over a bit.
Three: I don’t know about you, but those mice look pretty content. It actually looks pretty comfy.
But now that I’ve made three observations, I’ll make a few more low resolution observations.
Low Resolution Oservation #1: How the heck did this mouse get in the middle?
I assume that the material in the trap is sticky. Really sticky. How did this guy get in the center without getting stuck? I assume he had to climb over his buddy who wouldn’t move out of the way in the first place.
Low Resolution Observation #2: Mice don’t walk backwards.
Look at this sonofabitch. He didn’t walk backwards on to the trap, so I assume he crawled over Buddy #1 and Buddy #2 and then got stuck.
And this guy did the same freaking thing!
Final Observation: If you find yourself with a trap with this many mice in it, I think you should be doing a bit more than putting a sticky piece of plastic in your walk in freezer.
And as a bonus, a photo of me letting a rat eat out of my mouth.
Fungus of crunchy tongue with delicious turning of flavor
After last week’s maggot cookie debacle, we were able to track down a product that combined fungal mystery with chocolate dippery. This week’s Erik Eats product is…
???
Dang. It’s got no name that we can decipher. Plan B is to flip the box over and check out the English Product Information sticker that covers over the actual ingredients with shit the FDA would approve:
Wheat Cracker? Oh well… not as fun as Every Burger, but it will have to do. Erik contemplated the packaging and remembers that last week I screwed him over an made him eat turd cookies.
He forges ahead...
Erik opens the box to reveal a single package.
Oh! The lid has a diagram with some writing.
Let’s contact our close friend and translator, Arata Isozaki.Here is what it says:
Nice!
Erik tears into the package with savageness and love.
Wow! The cookie looks just like the illustrations on the outside of the package said it would!
Let’s find out how truthful the packaging really is. Here’s the box with a mushroom cookie.
Now Erik deftly cuts into one of the cookies.
A closer look!
Wow! An exact match! Unbelievable! I almost feel bad about making up the bra removal stuff!
Let’s get on to the tasting.
Yes?
Go on!
It delicious! Sweet. A little salty. A very crunchy!
Great job Erik! Next week: Fecal Butter Chunks
???
Dang. It’s got no name that we can decipher. Plan B is to flip the box over and check out the English Product Information sticker that covers over the actual ingredients with shit the FDA would approve:
Wheat Cracker? Oh well… not as fun as Every Burger, but it will have to do. Erik contemplated the packaging and remembers that last week I screwed him over an made him eat turd cookies.
He forges ahead...
Erik opens the box to reveal a single package.
Oh! The lid has a diagram with some writing.
Let’s contact our close friend and translator, Arata Isozaki.Here is what it says:
Nice!
Erik tears into the package with savageness and love.
Wow! The cookie looks just like the illustrations on the outside of the package said it would!
Let’s find out how truthful the packaging really is. Here’s the box with a mushroom cookie.
Now Erik deftly cuts into one of the cookies.
A closer look!
Wow! An exact match! Unbelievable! I almost feel bad about making up the bra removal stuff!
Let’s get on to the tasting.
Yes?
Go on!
It delicious! Sweet. A little salty. A very crunchy!
Great job Erik! Next week: Fecal Butter Chunks
The Real Question is: After Eight Years, Is George Bush Experienced Enough to Be President?
There has been some banter back and forth about Obama’s experience being less than Hillary’s because she had eight years of on the job training, behind the scenes, not baking cookies in the White House. Of course then people ask if Laura Bush is qualified for the Presidency because she has eight years experience, chain smoking at the White House.
The real question should be: Is George Bush experienced enough to be President? He’s got eight years, 9/11, and two wars under his belt. Knowing what we know now, with Bush’s eight years of experience, would anyone, besides the Jesus Crispies, have voted for him in 2000? If they could again in 2008?
Now… how much does “White House experience” matter?
The real question should be: Is George Bush experienced enough to be President? He’s got eight years, 9/11, and two wars under his belt. Knowing what we know now, with Bush’s eight years of experience, would anyone, besides the Jesus Crispies, have voted for him in 2000? If they could again in 2008?
Now… how much does “White House experience” matter?
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