Hi! Do you have a deep dark secret you'd like to tell but cannot because you fear retribution from your family, peers or neighbors? Ple...

I poop. Sometimes at work. Sometimes it is pretty stinky. My office is in a building where other guys use the bathroom too. Enough so that e...

I went shopping tonight. It was not the fun shopping where I meet Erik out for drinks first and then go shopping second. In the winter, yo...

Miss Sally gave Greg his bath last night as I finished painting the living room. (It was an awful red that only looked good in photos .) U...

For the American Tourist... see original article here .

Chris, the ever astute Neo-conservative has been searching for the Weapons of Mass Destruction for the past four years non-stop. Who knew th...

{Author's note: I have been besieged with e-mails asking me about this cartoon. Many do not get it because either I am too smart or I ...

Got a job. I think this one will stick. No dead bodies. Well, one. And the seven dead fetuses. And the box of ashes. But I think that...

We all have made decisions that we regret. Sometimes we wish we could go back and change everything. I’ve tried sending a message to my ...

Warning! This is neither exciting nor funny right now. Please wait until 2027 to come back and read this. Thank you. Oh my God! 7 Teraby...

I was doing a Google search (don't ask for what) when I came across the picture above. I thought it was a pretty funny Hello-Kitty-pink...

MEN WOMEN

Adam Hughes, 33, of San Diego talks about catching San Francisco Giants Barry Bonds 755th home run ball against the San Diego Padres after t...

A recent article from MSNBC has China’s Bo Xilai, commerce minister, quoted as saying that "over 99 per cent of China's export pr...

My father is a smart guy. He’s an engineer and chock full stories that I always took as the gospel truth. While I look back fondly on thos...

It's not really that Ann is so beautiful. It's just that she makes all other children look ugly.

Dear HolyJuan, Just what the heck is tapioca? Sincerely, Puddin' Dear Puddin’, I believe what you are actually asking is “why the hec...

I know there are obvious people you should not fuck with; Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris, ninjas, drunken pirates. This is a lesser known list of...

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I read this in the Wednesday 18th, 2007 Westerville News and Public Opinion paper. I'm sure the lettuce was all part of his master plan...

Dear HolyJuan, I am hoping you can help me with a small problem. I am a seventy-one year old man, but I feel like I am twenty-five on the i...

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Source Belgian scientist Dr. Mark Drascht believes the Earth is doomed. “Whether by global warming or cooling, nuclear terrorism or just pla...

I may be the second worst promoter ever. Shrimp Attack! is going to be officially re-released some time this week. Or next week. At leas...

Question: What color is my car? Answer: Blue

I love the Rotten Tomatoes movie review website. They take a large number of movie reviews and cram them all in one spot. I highly sugges...

I got a job. Thanks to everyone who helped and provided support by buying me drinks. I'll be working Tue, Thur and Sat at Sirens in Colu...

What music that shuttle astronauts wake up to Anything libertarians have an opinion about Ending a sentence in a preposition Spelling and gr...

Over a year ago Lia suggested I start this site. I thought she was nuts. Soon after the site was up, she suggested I get business cards. I...

I didn’t have a lot of sex in college. Most of my friends think I did. My MO was to hook up, make out for a while and stick around third ...

Doug, Jen, Andy and Dave. Juliano stuck her head into the photo. At first we were pissed. Now I think we are glad she did.

What American accent do you have? (Best version so far) Midland ("Midland" is not necessarily the same thing as "Midwest...

This photo was taken on my cell phone in my office parking lot.

No toilet paper Used a wad of hair from trash The Aristocrats!

I got the scanner up and running! Sadly, I cannot get my anything funny up and running. This is the best it is going to get today.

In the midst of job searching and writing and attempting to become famous, my computer has crashed pretty damn hard. I bought a new hard dri...

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I think it was a Friends episode where Ross had a list of famous women he was given permission by his spouse/fiancé to sleep with given the ...

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Well crap. Last year at this time, Meshell and I were talking about me publishing a children’s book. She had an illustration called The Po...

As of 9:07 on 6/7/07, I am the number one search return for the phrase Egotistical Bastard on Google. Egotistical Bastard Finally... some r...

{Author's note: This is update number four to the continuing correspondence between a scam artist and our friend, Frank Stein. Check o...