David Jeffers, Fox News Producer lamented, “Without the writers, it’s pretty hard to create a day to day, positive spin on the war and Bush administration. We hate the striking bastards, but we need their creative flair.”The writers’ strike, now well in to its first week, has caused Fox to re-run old news and focus on the weather. “We could really use a hurricane about now.” After a moment he changed his mind, “Well, actually it took about forty-two writers to get us though the last hurricane debacle… how about an earthquake?”
A Production Assistant, who chose to remain nameless, claimed that he had to write a recent story about the surge progress. “I kinda just used some action words and dropped in a few ‘terrorisms’… it actually wasn’t that tough.” The Production Assistant is credited for the claim that Al Qaeda was completely out of Baghdad. “Yeah, I made that up, too. But it seems to have stuck.”
Fox seems to have struck gold with OJ Simpson back in court. Their twelve hours of coverage actually doubled the amount of time OJ was actually in court. Jeffers added, “We are working on a brief to have the case moved to Reno so that we can stretch out the proceedings.”
“The hardest part of the week was not being able to make the overturning of Bush’s veto into a liberal slam fest. I’m sure those clever asshole writers would have thought of something.”
When asked about Bush’s trip to see the wounded veterans, Jeffers sighed and admitted, “We paid Limbaugh for some of his writers’ material. Most of his stuff comes in from Canada and Puerto Rico.”
Jeffers had one positive note. “Luckily we’ve got Hillary and Ron Paul campaigning out there. Some of the stuff they say… you just can't make that shit up.”
