I just finished watching a film where the cool, foreign guy causes the American chick to swoon simply by dropping a few words on her that cannot be translated into English. I then thought to myself, on my next trip overseas, what words can I use to charm the armpit-haired girls to get them in the sack?
Behold, a list of English words and phrases that have no translation overseas or in French Canada.
Misunderestimate
Thank goodness for the previous administration’s eight years of adding seemingly American words to our dialect. I dare you to find “decider” in a French dictionary or the Hungarian word for “strategery.” Many a Mexican immigrant has gotten into fist fights with their second language teacher over the pronunciation of "nucular" that they heard on the televisión.
Blow Job
Sure, there are translations in every language for the greatest gift a woman can give a man, but nothing literal; after all, only Americans would say “blow” when they really mean "suck" and “job” when they mean “can I have this one for free?”
Pillow Talk
In France, guys leave after sex. In Slovakia, they pull up their britches and head outside to trim the hedge. Only in America will you find guys chit-chatting after sex. The funny part is trying to translate this concept into a foreign language: “The after-sex speak, during which time the man lies about love, and the woman lies about orgasm.”
Tidal Wave
I’ve run into way too many high-and-mighty people who frown upon the American word “Tidal Wave.” When Indonesia was decimated a few years back, I was chastised for saying “tidal wave.” When a high-and-mighty says, “A Tsunami struck!” ask them, “What is a tsunami?” and watch as they look around before whispering, “A tsunami is a tidal wave.”
Taint
No one but Americans would have a name for the area of the body that ain’t the balls and ain’t the ass.
Chode
No one, save the Americans, would have a second word for the word taint.
Redneck
Other countries are small, and so they can only make fun of other countries. The United States is too damn big, and we like to pick on the people in our sister states, or, as it were with this definition, our sister and wife states.
Pocketbook
Just what the hell is a pocketbook? You’ll never know if you speak another language. Turns out it’s a satchel for carrying around your most important woman stuff. It’s not a book and it’s not small enough to fit into anyone’s pocket. In other languages you can roughly translate it to, “Over the shoulder satchel used to hide everything you want, but nothing you need.”
Pocket Pussy
Staying with the theme, here… Have you ever seen one of these cure-alls for the lonely man? Well, it doesn’t look like pocket, it won’t fit in a pocket and it certainly won’t hold your car keys. As for the pussy… I’m not sure. If this were to translate literally, you’d have a wave of Japanese men ordering “dirtied” Levis off the internet and then banging them. Oh, I guess we already do.
Showing posts with label words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label words. Show all posts
Words and Phrases You Should Hate
Here is a list of common words and phrases I cannot stand. See if your hated verbiage is in the list!
Meh
This word completely pisses me off. Perhaps it is how falls out of the mouth with such disdain. Or that it is one of the few words in which you don’t use your tongue to pronounce. Most of all, it’s the compression of so much indifference that is crammed into a three letter word. People use it to replace pages of text and explanation. It’s like saying, “I don’t care about you or your opinion enough to reply with anything but a monosyllabic, muted yelp." On top of all that, I'm compelled to say it out loud whenever I read it. Meh. Yuck.
You’ve got your work cut out for you
Who thought of this crappy phrase? It’s ass backwards. The phrase is supposed to mean that you have a tough job ahead with a lot of pain and suffering sprinkled on top. I think most people understand it as such when reading or hearing it. But what I don’t get is that if your work is all ready cut out for you, the first step would be done and you’d be that much closer to completing your task. What would be a lot of work is if you had to cut the work out yourself and then do it. I guess that phrase would be, “You’ve got your work to cut out.” Now that I’ve written it, I’m not so pleased with that one either.
Don’t go there
This phrase has crossed ethnic boundaries and become popular with whitey which has caused it to fail. A lot of times you will see this phrase accentuated with "uh-huh" and "girl" and various closed mouth noises and finger wagging. By saying "Don't go there" you are admitting guilt of having been "there" and of doing something embarrassing while "there." Just don’t go there.
Absolutely
This word is used too often and people don’t really know its true power. Absolutely is a commanding word with no ifs ands or buts. It should be used with caution. If someone responds “absolutely” to your question, you should feel empowered and take them up on it. I get it a lot when asking to speak to someone over the phone. “Can I please speak with Mr. Jones?” “Absolutely.” At that moment, I am thusly sanctioned to let Mr. Jones hear what ever I want to tell him about my kids or my thoughts on how he’s running his company into the ground. Next time someone says “absolutely” to you, clarify that is what they said and then have at it.
Pwned
I simply don’t like this word because I never get to use it. I am the one who get his ass handed to him in games and arguments. I suck.
Couple
I don’t blame anyone but myself for this one. For years, I thought that “a couple” could mean two or three or four. The dictionary might say that the informal definition is “a few; several: a couple of days,” but 98% of the world has corrected me. One co-worker solidified her stance with the well known Ohio phrase “a couple three” which when uttered can be used to describe how much beer to pick up. “Since Tommy’s bringing his kids, you might ‘unt to pick up a couple three cases of Pabst.”
Awesome
Unless it’s said by a stoner guy, awesome grates on my nerves. NASA seems to over use it to describe stuff in space. If it’s a stone guy describing stuff in space, I’m 50/50.
Top Ten
I dislike top ten, mainly because you can guarantee that the list is faulty or open to debate. The only Top Ten list I ever saw that was even close to being dead on was Yang Sma's Top Ten List of molds, spores and fungi. He pretty much nailed that one.
Blog
Christ. Blog is such an overly fanciful word. Only because it describes what I am doing now. And what the annoying stay at home mom across the street is doing. And most twelve year olds. I hate that the outlet for my brilliance is described in the same way as the writings of Lisa’s two cats or Bob’s internal struggle with coming out of the closet. Someone needs to come up with a new word so that I can move on.
Git r done
Without question, the worst phrase ever uttered, right after “The stripper you knocked up is talking to your wife about the venereal disease she gave you.”
Meh
This word completely pisses me off. Perhaps it is how falls out of the mouth with such disdain. Or that it is one of the few words in which you don’t use your tongue to pronounce. Most of all, it’s the compression of so much indifference that is crammed into a three letter word. People use it to replace pages of text and explanation. It’s like saying, “I don’t care about you or your opinion enough to reply with anything but a monosyllabic, muted yelp." On top of all that, I'm compelled to say it out loud whenever I read it. Meh. Yuck.
You’ve got your work cut out for you
Who thought of this crappy phrase? It’s ass backwards. The phrase is supposed to mean that you have a tough job ahead with a lot of pain and suffering sprinkled on top. I think most people understand it as such when reading or hearing it. But what I don’t get is that if your work is all ready cut out for you, the first step would be done and you’d be that much closer to completing your task. What would be a lot of work is if you had to cut the work out yourself and then do it. I guess that phrase would be, “You’ve got your work to cut out.” Now that I’ve written it, I’m not so pleased with that one either.
Don’t go there
This phrase has crossed ethnic boundaries and become popular with whitey which has caused it to fail. A lot of times you will see this phrase accentuated with "uh-huh" and "girl" and various closed mouth noises and finger wagging. By saying "Don't go there" you are admitting guilt of having been "there" and of doing something embarrassing while "there." Just don’t go there.
Absolutely
This word is used too often and people don’t really know its true power. Absolutely is a commanding word with no ifs ands or buts. It should be used with caution. If someone responds “absolutely” to your question, you should feel empowered and take them up on it. I get it a lot when asking to speak to someone over the phone. “Can I please speak with Mr. Jones?” “Absolutely.” At that moment, I am thusly sanctioned to let Mr. Jones hear what ever I want to tell him about my kids or my thoughts on how he’s running his company into the ground. Next time someone says “absolutely” to you, clarify that is what they said and then have at it.
Pwned
I simply don’t like this word because I never get to use it. I am the one who get his ass handed to him in games and arguments. I suck.
Couple
I don’t blame anyone but myself for this one. For years, I thought that “a couple” could mean two or three or four. The dictionary might say that the informal definition is “a few; several: a couple of days,” but 98% of the world has corrected me. One co-worker solidified her stance with the well known Ohio phrase “a couple three” which when uttered can be used to describe how much beer to pick up. “Since Tommy’s bringing his kids, you might ‘unt to pick up a couple three cases of Pabst.”
Awesome
Unless it’s said by a stoner guy, awesome grates on my nerves. NASA seems to over use it to describe stuff in space. If it’s a stone guy describing stuff in space, I’m 50/50.
Top Ten
I dislike top ten, mainly because you can guarantee that the list is faulty or open to debate. The only Top Ten list I ever saw that was even close to being dead on was Yang Sma's Top Ten List of molds, spores and fungi. He pretty much nailed that one.
Blog
Christ. Blog is such an overly fanciful word. Only because it describes what I am doing now. And what the annoying stay at home mom across the street is doing. And most twelve year olds. I hate that the outlet for my brilliance is described in the same way as the writings of Lisa’s two cats or Bob’s internal struggle with coming out of the closet. Someone needs to come up with a new word so that I can move on.
Git r done
Without question, the worst phrase ever uttered, right after “The stripper you knocked up is talking to your wife about the venereal disease she gave you.”
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