I’ve seen it before. You and your boyfriend have been dating for a year or so. You are looking for him to propose and he’s happy with how things are going. Little does he realize that things are about to be going really shitty if he doesn’t buy a ring and get on a knee. Here are some helpful hints to get your boyfriend to propose to you:
Burn down his house
You’ve probably been spending a lot of time together, but you both still keep your own residences. What Mr. Happy needs is a good house burning. When all his clothes and Sandman graphic novels are ashes, he’s going to be vulnerable and he’s going to need you more than ever. Over time, finding a new place would just be a hassle. He’ll see you with new eyes. In a few weeks, when the insurance check comes, I can assure you that he’s use some of the proceeds to buy a ring.
Talk about his brother or best friend
Guys are jealous fucks. They think about your ex-boyfriends and they think about the other two (yeah right) guys you’ve had sex with. Guys assume that you are having sex with your co-workers and than on girls' night you get drunk and blow guys at the club. All guys do it. If you start talking about his friends or his brothers, he’ll start to imagine that you are hot for them. Competition is tough between friends and family and to prove to them that he is top dog, he’ll pop the question to lay ownership over you.
Play online games with voice chat
Your boyfriend will think it is great that you play online games. He'll probably spend a lot of time on your couch playing your system. You'll probably play a lot of games together which is wonderful for relationship building. But after two years of his ass on your couch, you'll want to step up your game. Literally. Start playing games that require you to use voice chat. In game, most guys have stupid usernames like BigDick33 and HumpingYouLeg. Once your boyfriend starts hearing you say, "Nice moves, BigDick" or "Good save, HumpMyLeg," he'll begin to think that maybe it's time to seal the deal and ensure you don't run off with some Orc Shaman from Toledo.
Buy a pet together and then “lose” it
Simple and diabolical. Find someone who sells pets, but has a 30 day return policy. Buy the pet and make sure you suggest that since he hasn’t proposed, this will help you to emotionally handle the situation. He’ll be relieved that the engagement pressure is off. One day while he’s off at Best Buy, return the pet to the vendor and suggest you have allergies. When he comes home, he’ll find the house frantically torn up and you crying that Mrs. Krinkle has disappeared. Between sobs, make sure you drop a few hints about how much the pet meant to you and that your feelings of emptiness will never be filled. Give it a week and he’ll pull the old “Propose by tying the ring on the new puppy’s collar” trick. Sucker.
Become a stripper
This one is two fold. First off, guys dig strippers. To think they could actually marry one would be huge. Secondly, if the rage of jealously doesn’t make a ring appear, you’ll make enough money to buy your own ring. Why was it you were dating this guy in the first place? What are you doing later? Is Trixie your real name?
Showing posts with label ring. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ring. Show all posts
Two Circle Burns
I have a Troy Bilt EZ-Link trimmer with “an easy to switch out” edger attachment. Last year something went wrong or rather something predictable happened while I was attempting to edge through six inches of accumulated dirt, grass and gravel. The motor would run, but the edger blade would not spin. When I attempted to remove the edger attachment, I had to beat it silly so that it would become an unattachment. I put the trimmer back on and somehow it worked. I promised not to use the edger again because it would only cause me pain and suffering.
Today, after I tried to attach and use the edger attachment, I sat befuddled in the driveway, my fingers covered in grease, metal filings and greasy metal filings. The coupling from the motor end wouldn’t connect with the metal rod from the edger attachment end. The coupling kept pushing back and would disengage after five seconds of operation. I tightened some screws and made a final attempt. It failed again and I removed the attachment. The coupling was sitting where it was supposed to be so I stuck my finger inside it to see if it would resist or push backwards. What I soon found out was that the coupling and metal rod were spinning like crazy against each other creating finger burning friction. I yanked my sizzling finger out and stuck the greasy, metal filing covered finger right in my mouth. Yum.
I have a nicely round burn on my index finger, the lingering aftertaste of grease in my mouth and a Troy Bilt EZ-Link trimmer/edger that doesn’t work. I also have one more story about round burn marks on fingers.
A friend’s brother was working on his car engine. As he leaned in on the engine, his wedding ring came in contact with two points and that completed an electrical circuit. My electrical knowledge is pretty slim, but I know that metal, especially gold, conducts electricity. What I didn’t know was that it also heats the metal up. By the time he felt his finger burning the ring was very very hot. It was so hot that he could not grab it with his other hand and pull it off. It just sat there and burned him. Now when he takes off his ring, you can see a nice round scar.
There’s a joke somewhere in there about marriage, but I dare not find it as my wife has been reading my website and breaking the trimmer has all ready got me in the doghouse.
Today, after I tried to attach and use the edger attachment, I sat befuddled in the driveway, my fingers covered in grease, metal filings and greasy metal filings. The coupling from the motor end wouldn’t connect with the metal rod from the edger attachment end. The coupling kept pushing back and would disengage after five seconds of operation. I tightened some screws and made a final attempt. It failed again and I removed the attachment. The coupling was sitting where it was supposed to be so I stuck my finger inside it to see if it would resist or push backwards. What I soon found out was that the coupling and metal rod were spinning like crazy against each other creating finger burning friction. I yanked my sizzling finger out and stuck the greasy, metal filing covered finger right in my mouth. Yum.
I have a nicely round burn on my index finger, the lingering aftertaste of grease in my mouth and a Troy Bilt EZ-Link trimmer/edger that doesn’t work. I also have one more story about round burn marks on fingers.
A friend’s brother was working on his car engine. As he leaned in on the engine, his wedding ring came in contact with two points and that completed an electrical circuit. My electrical knowledge is pretty slim, but I know that metal, especially gold, conducts electricity. What I didn’t know was that it also heats the metal up. By the time he felt his finger burning the ring was very very hot. It was so hot that he could not grab it with his other hand and pull it off. It just sat there and burned him. Now when he takes off his ring, you can see a nice round scar.
There’s a joke somewhere in there about marriage, but I dare not find it as my wife has been reading my website and breaking the trimmer has all ready got me in the doghouse.
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