COLUMBUS (FD) – The names for the days of the week are based on old pagan beliefs and mythology and one Ohio Christian coalition group wants to do something about it. The Christian Guardians of His Word are a collection of churches from around Ohio and West Virginia. Church leaders meet on a quarterly basis to discuss regional issues and politics. An emergency meeting was called after one of the members was looking over their child's shoulder at their virtual classroom, saw the teacher's "days of the week" lesson, and realized that the days of the week are based on “weird gods and heathen worship.”
The group decided to create a new set of Christian friendly names for the days of the week and then petition their state and federal representatives to force the government to make it official. The team of representatives from 37 churches gathered at Our Peoples of God’s Church in Columbus, Ohio to decide upon the new, Christian friendly names.
Debate started immediately when someone suggested changing Sunday to "God's Day." It seemed like an obvious change, until one member shouted out that every day is God’s day and they should not narrow it down to one single day. For an hour, debate raged between going with the assumption that everyone would understand that everyday is God’s day and the opposite end of the spectrum of calling Sunday, "God's Day 1" and going through the week in order "God's Day 2", "God's Day 3" and so on. In the end it was decided to call Sunday “Church Day” with the understanding that everyone knows that every day is God's Day.
For the next several hours, the rest of the days of the week were pounded out. Monday would become "Work Day." Tuesday would become "Spirit Day." There was a difference of opinion if Wednesday or Thursday should be called "Wash Day" as different people bathe and do laundry on different days of the week. As many members attend their individual churches on Wednesday as well, they decided to replace Wednesday with “Wash Up Day” to play upon the words sounding like “worship day.” Thursday is to become known as "Love Day" and everyone agreed to call Friday "Pizza Night Day." Saturday, of course, will be known as "The Day Before Church Day."
The Christian Guardians of His Word have put together a statement of suggestion and will begin petitioning their representatives in the new year on Love Day the 4th in God’s Month 2.
Showing posts with label poe's law. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poe's law. Show all posts
"Blue Laws" Anger Local Man, Plans to Ban Wednesday Services
COLUMBUS OH (HJ) - Bruce M. Targe of Hilliard, OH recently tried to buy some wine at his local Gas n’ Sip convenience store. “The wife and I were headed out of town to our cabin and we were stocking up for the week.” He was surprised to find that he could not buy wine on Sundays until 1:00pm due to Ohio’s “Blue Laws” that restrict alcohol sales because of antiquated religious standards.
Instead of complaining about it, Mr. Targe decided to take action. He is currently collecting signatures to put forth legislation on what he has christened, “Orange Laws.” In short, Orange Laws would restrict religious services on Wednesdays between 4:30pm and 11:59pm. Mr. Targe explains, “You talk to any religious person and they’ll say that Blue Laws are not that much of an inconvenience. Well, Wednesday night is my bowling night and the mega-church up the road has services at the same time. There’s traffic all up and down the road on the way there and coming back is just as bad when they let out.” By restricting church during that time with an “Orange Law,” Mr. Targe can free up his commute to bowling and show the religious what it is like to be inconvenienced.
So far Mr. Targe has collected about 278 signatures. He got the idea for Orange Laws for all those dads who were missing bowling night. He smirked, “Hey dads, “orange” you glad you don’t have to go to church?”
Upon hearing of the possible legislation, Pastor Art Phelps of the “Our Peoples of God’s Church” stated that new “Orange Laws” are a serious issue. Pastor Phelps stated, “This is a serious issue. Our Church meets on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Pizza Night Day and Sunday. We do not think we could move our Wednesday service to Saturday as our congregation is usually churched out by then and needs a day of rest before we power though all day Sunday services.”
Pastor Phelps has started his own “Anti-Orange Laws” petition and has gathered 18 signatures. They plan to sell wine and cheese gift baskets to raise money for a continued campaign.
Instead of complaining about it, Mr. Targe decided to take action. He is currently collecting signatures to put forth legislation on what he has christened, “Orange Laws.” In short, Orange Laws would restrict religious services on Wednesdays between 4:30pm and 11:59pm. Mr. Targe explains, “You talk to any religious person and they’ll say that Blue Laws are not that much of an inconvenience. Well, Wednesday night is my bowling night and the mega-church up the road has services at the same time. There’s traffic all up and down the road on the way there and coming back is just as bad when they let out.” By restricting church during that time with an “Orange Law,” Mr. Targe can free up his commute to bowling and show the religious what it is like to be inconvenienced.So far Mr. Targe has collected about 278 signatures. He got the idea for Orange Laws for all those dads who were missing bowling night. He smirked, “Hey dads, “orange” you glad you don’t have to go to church?”
Upon hearing of the possible legislation, Pastor Art Phelps of the “Our Peoples of God’s Church” stated that new “Orange Laws” are a serious issue. Pastor Phelps stated, “This is a serious issue. Our Church meets on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Pizza Night Day and Sunday. We do not think we could move our Wednesday service to Saturday as our congregation is usually churched out by then and needs a day of rest before we power though all day Sunday services.”
Pastor Phelps has started his own “Anti-Orange Laws” petition and has gathered 18 signatures. They plan to sell wine and cheese gift baskets to raise money for a continued campaign.
Local Church to Hand out Hams
COLUMBUS OH (HJ) – For a few of central Ohio’s needy, the holidays will be a little bit less hungry. Pastor Art Phelps of the “Our Peoples of God’s Church” will be handing out over 200 hams to those who are in need. Food hand outs started back in 2005 when Pastor Phelps took over for the ailing Pastor Riffic. Pastor Phelps recalled, “We had about 50 people come to the church when we were handing out turkeys. Since then, the demand has grown and we are pleased to serve our Christian community.”
The church does not force people to be part of their congregation to receive the free ham. Pastor Phelps explains, “While we do not discriminate against non-church goers, we did switch from giving away turkeys to giving away hams in 2008 so that we would not get any hungry Muslims or Jews. We want to help as many Christians as possible, so the ham seems to keep the others away.” When asked if needy atheists would be turned away, Pastor Phelps laughed, “We’ll feed the Godless, too. Maybe when they see how generous and kind we are, they will change their ways.”
Ham handouts will continue through the end of the year.
The church does not force people to be part of their congregation to receive the free ham. Pastor Phelps explains, “While we do not discriminate against non-church goers, we did switch from giving away turkeys to giving away hams in 2008 so that we would not get any hungry Muslims or Jews. We want to help as many Christians as possible, so the ham seems to keep the others away.” When asked if needy atheists would be turned away, Pastor Phelps laughed, “We’ll feed the Godless, too. Maybe when they see how generous and kind we are, they will change their ways.”
Ham handouts will continue through the end of the year.
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