HolyJuan: freckled Jenn

Freckled Jenn made a slight spacial error and backed her car into her husband's jeep. It left a hole in her bumper. I asked her how big the hole was. She said it was $800 big. I was curious as to how big $800 was so I did some scientific studies by filling the hole with mathematically proven, standard sized objects.

The following items:
2' long 2"x4" board
mostly empty Kroger Brand mouth wash
empty pack of beef jerky
mostly empty 16 oz Gatorade Bottle (Frost Flavor)
...fit nicely into the hole.

That's how big an $800 hole is. I left the objects in there so that Jenn would also know how big the hole was.

As it turns out, the back of Bobby's pick up truck is also $800 big because Jenn threw my measuring devices in the back of Bobby's truck.

Author's note: It seems that because Bobby was unaware of the $800 worth of measuring devices in his truck bed, he failed to secure them. There is now $400 worth of measuring devices along 315N somewhere between 70 and Lane Ave.

If you happen to see them, feel free to contact me for their return.

Last week, the team planned a fun lunch at the local Chinese all you can eat. Sadly, Ann got a fever and I could not join in the fun. Lucky for me, Jenn and Stephanie stopped next door at the Chinese grocery and picked me up some food for me to try out. Seeing as Erik is still dead from the Erik Eats a few months ago, it was my turn to step up.

Stephanie and Jenn with gifts of food.

Today on ~~Erik Eats~~ Doug Eats... Deluxe Grass Jelly Dessert

I'm not sure what it says on the can, but I assume that it explains how physics and gravity are both suspended within the confines of the can.

The top of the can has a lid with a folded up spoon on the inside. F'ing cool!

Transformers! More than meets the eye!

Bourarachutchchingcunchingchun!! (That is the transforming noise.)

Jen tests the spoon to see if it works and to remove any germs with her anti-bacterial saliva.

The top of the can has instructions on how to open it.

I follow them very carefully and mind my hand in the process.

Wait... my teeth are pretty grimy. I'm going to head to my dentist's office and get them cleaned and whitened. I'll be right back.

Much better!

Here is what opening the can reveals:

Holy shit! This looks like a collection of every gall stone removed in June of 1972.

We dump some of this on a plate to get a better look at the components.

We separate into the four food groups: ass, gunk, brown gel and goo

Instead of throwing this into the trash and running like a little girl down the hall and into the bathroom, I try it.

I love Stephanie's reaction in this one.

Wow. It is very hard to pallet the combination of solids and gels. There is a slight sweet taste, but only a man who eats sand for lunch could call this dessert.

Doug says...

I have to call this stuff a choking hazard.

HOLY SHIT! IT'S ERIK! BACK FROM THE DEAD!

Upon hearing my statement that the Deluxe Grass Jelly Dessert is a choking hazard, Erik wants to do a scientific study. He uses a tool of the trade, a choking detector.

This Safety 1st device lets the user know if something is a choking hazard. If the item fits in the device, it is a choking hazard. Erik fills it with this faux Newtonian Fluid.