Ask HolyJuan: Spicy Pepperoni

Hi, I have a package of Pepperoni that I want to make it hot and spicy,, what can I soak it in. Please help.

Pat j.

Dear Pat j.,

Clever. Very clever, MISTER HORMEL!! I know it's you! You and that stinking over priced Tabasco Brand laced Pepperoni in the stinking 5 ounce package. I outed you months ago and now you come crawling back to good ol' HolyJuan seeking advice about how you can make your rotten spicy pepperoni on the cheap!

Well I'll tell you how to make it hot and spicy. Use Frank's RedHot! I use Frank's on almost everything I want to give a nice, but not too hot, spicy kick.

Step One:
Buy pepperoni (you own a pepperoni company so I assume you do not need to buy it. Just walk out on the factory floor and grab a handful.)

Step Two:
Buy some Frank's RedHot (Don't let the Tabasco people see you buy it... that would be breach of contract.)

Step Three:
Put eight (not five) ounces of pepperoni in a plastic bag

Step Four:
Through a proprietary process, infuse the pepperoni with Frank's RedHot.

Step Five:
Sell it for the same price as your other eight ounce products.

Step Six:
Enjoy!

There, I fixed it for you!

Love,

HolyJuan