Calendar by BƎCK featuring Fake Dispatch

I write a Twitter account called Fake Dispatch. And there's a cartoonist named BƎCK that will take Tweets and turn them into cartoons/comics. You can see some of his work at this link: http://en.schneeschnee.de/daily/ . I think he's used about four of my Tweets to make cartoons.

A few weeks ago, BƎCK shared with me that one of my Tweets made his 2014 calendar. He then asked for my address and shipped me a copy for free! Click on any photo to embiggen.

Envelope front and back

The contents! Very nicely wrapped calendar with a postcard

Postcard back

Pink post-it with a message

Front of the calendar

I got to be January! 

Names of all the Tweeters who were in the calendar.

 It was an honor to be included in the calendar and I appreciate BƎCK sending me a copy. I assume the shipping was more than the calendar and so from the dark recesses of my heart I say to you, thanks!

You can check out the calendar and the other months here:http://beckcartoons2us.bigcartel.com/product/2014-cartoon-calendar. You should buy one of these so that BƎCK can continue to make more calendars and ship them to me.

Ask HolyJuan -How do I get out of the Republican Party

Hello Holy Juan
Can you help me quit the republican party?
I want to get out but don't know how or where to.
Thank you
Lewis from California
Best regards

Dear Lewis from California,

You are fucked.

Signed,
HolyJuan

PS OK, so once you finished getting fucked, here is what you do:

There is only one way out of the Republican Party. And no, it’s not out the back door, because they have classes for that condition that will have your men’s restroom, foot tapping shenanigans corrected immediately and next thing you know you’ll have a trophy wife in once hand and a prepared speech in the other.

You must go Beck. Go uber Beck. Beyond Beck. I need you to go Beck Beck.

I need you to start cutting people off in mid-speech and tell them that all sentences should contain a noun, a verb and a Reagan.

I want you to buy shoes made of raw seal meat.

I need you to start calling Palin a Commie bastard.

I need you to buy two copies of the Audio Bible on iTunes, just so that you can listen to them simultaneously and pretend God is speaking to you from a baseball stadium.

I need you to buy 25 karat gold because 99.9% pure 24 karat gold ain’t pure enough and could contain .1% fascist. (Beck can help you find someone to sell you gold.)

I need you to buy six tons of emergency rations and a generator that runs on the tears of men that cry for the loss of our freedoms.

I need you to dig up a founding father and have man sex with his maggoty mouth parts so that the worms that ate his flesh become part of yours.

I need you to buy a chalkboard. But a chalkboard with spell check.

And what you will find is that slowly… slowly… all the Republicans will come to you. They know a leader when they see one. They don’t just blindly follow anyone. You will be their God!

Then you will be the Lewis Party. And your minions will cry your name and gouge their eyes out.

With no more Republicans in the Republican party, the party will dissolve. And you will no longer be a Republican.

“And even my mother of whose flesh bore me will find the tip of the Sword at her throat with my boot on her chest if ever she speaks against ME.” – Lewis, founder of the Lewis Party