Obama Withdraws Clinton Secretary of State Offer

CHICAGO, IL – Speaking to a crowd of reporters this evening near President Elect Barack Obama’s office, Robert Gibbs announced that Obama was recanting his appointment of the Secretary of State position to Hillary Clinton. “We are disappointed to announce that due to a clerical error we must withdraw the offer of the position.”

All this week, Washington has been abuzz with the prospect of once opponent Clinton becoming one of the highest regarded positions in the new administration. Obama has repeatedly waved off speculation about the appointment by saying, “I do not believe this to be a very big deal.”

But earlier today during a Q&A session with the President Elect, it seemed that reporters pressing for more information about the Secretary of State appointment caused Obama a bit of pause and he called Robert Gibbs over for a private meeting. Hours after the meeting, Gibbs made the announcement that the position is still open. “It seems that when President Elect Obama was asked to think about what role he wanted Hillary to take on in his administration, he wrote down the position on a piece of paper and handed it off to an aide. The aide misunderstood what was written on the paper and we apologize for the confusion it might have caused.”

Our sources were able to dig the discarded piece of paper from the Presidential Elect Official Recycling Bin. The contents of the note are shown below.

A Clintonista Apologizes

A few months ago, I had an internet tussle with a Clintonista. (If you are not aware, a Clintonista is like a pitbull without lipstick.) You can see the comments here: http://clintonista.wordpress.com/2008/04/23/what-hillary-clintons-impressive-pennsylvania-win-means/#comments

During our little debate, this Clintonista said that she would offer up an apology if Obama won the election.

Well, as you can guess, I have not heard from her.

So instead, I've written the apology letter for her:

Dear HolyJuan,

As I promised, here is my apology.

I am sorry for criticizing you when it turned out that you were right and I was wrong.

I am sorry for turning my back on the Democratic Party.

I am sorry for any hurt feelings I may have caused any Obama supporters by blindly supporting McCain when Hillary was defeated in the primaries.

I am sorry that I doubted Barack Obama. My love for Hillary Clinton was absolute and I had to blame someone for her loss.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Obama for throwing Clinton a bone and making Hillary Secretary of State.

HolyJuan, you might not be the most handsome man in the world, but I respect you and your opinion and maybe someday I will earn your respect.

Your (hopefully someday) friend,

A Clintonista


Wow! Very nice.

Here is my reply:

Dear A Clintonista,

You can take your stinking apology and shove it. The election is over and I could care less about you and your horrific opinions.

Good Day,

HolyJuan

PS I will still read your site everyday!! I love it!

Who will McCain choose once Palin drops off the ticket?

I do not want to debate whether or not Governor Palin is going to drop off McCain’s ticket as Vice President… that is pretty much a given. As a matter of fact, I think McCain’s consultants preparing for it and are going to try to spin it for more media cycles.

But who will McCain pick next? He's got to out do himself again. Let’s look at the possibilities:

1. Hillary Clinton

Pros
-18 Million votes guaranteed!
-boobies
-she will unleash pent up vitriolic rage against Obama

Cons
-raving lunatic PUMAs and Clintonistas will simultaneously explode causing big mess
-might end up President if McCain dies
-Christian Conservatives would get caught in an infinite prayer feedback loop of praying to win and praying to lose.

2. Heath Ledger

Pros
-major Superstar
-wide appeal
-won’t say anything stupid
-cool accent

Cons
-dead
-even dead, can’t make McCain look younger or better
-Christian Conservatives don’t like guys that have sex with guys, even if it was just in a movie

3. Inanimate Carbon Rod

Pros
-Older than McCain thus making him look younger
-phallic
-Inanimate, which means it can’t fuck up
-TV star (young kids love it)
-easy to vet

Cons
-Rod is a gay name
-Christian Conservatives don’t like the periodic table

4. Hillary Clinton’s Pantsuit

Pros
-If you can’t get Hillary, it’s the next best thing
-won’t cry or eat your soul
-wash and wear

Cons
-Remnants of Bill on the back
-reversible
-Christian Conservatives don’t like female pants. It’s the devil’s stitchery.

5. The Statue of Liberty

Pros
-100% American (Although the French thing will come out later in the media.)
-Older than McCain but still slightly hot
-Good with dates, reads books, likes foreigners, knows her place and has a huge ass torch

Cons
-Freakishly tall
-hollow
-small boobs
Christian Conservatives don’t like unmarried women with careers

Unbelievable, but I still believe

For a few days now, I’ve been thinking about the moment when Obama announces Hillary as his running mate. I think it could have happened. I think it would have been great for the ticket. I know there are as many Clintonistas that hate Obama as there are Obamites that hate Clinton. But I thought that everyone would get over themselves for the greater good (or at least to get rid of the greater evil.)

I was wrong.

Clinton is in debt. Her never ending campaign drained her coffer and left a few million IOUs in the bottom. CNN reported here that her campaign is in debt just under 24 MILLION dollars.

Clinton needs a cash tour de force from Obama’s supporters to knock down that debt. So you think she would provide 24 million dollars worth of campaigning and ask her constituents to do the same. I see Hillary slowly starting to hit the pavement for Obama so her supporters are following suit?

Not so. Here’s a quote from a Lynn Forrester, a highly regarded Clinton supporter, “(Obama) has provided her with a pittance compared to what the Clintons have given Obama,” prominent Clinton backer Lynn Forrester told the Times of London. “Her debt could have been cleared within 10 days. It’s ungracious.”

Wow. Unbelievable. Ungracious?

I’m one of those folks who believe that Clinton did strengthen Obama’s campaign up to a point. And at the time when Clinton should have dropped out of the campaign, she could have saved that 24 million. But instead she continued to campaign, ad nausem, and now there’s debt and bad feelings from rabid supporters that hold out one hand for a donation while flipping Obama off with the other.

People need to get over themselves.

I would still support an Obama/Hillary ticket. As a matter of fact, I still think that he will choose her as a running mate. Anyone want to make a bet?

Greg and Dad: Red Car

A question for Senator Clinton

Will somebody please pose this question to Senator Clinton: In the general election versus McCain, if she were to win more Electoral College votes, but McCain were to win more popular votes, would she hand over the Presidency to McCain?

I believe that it is Senator Clinton's right to continue campaigning through the end of the process. I think it is in her best interest to do so to gain something from her failed campaign, though to save face she is beating down the Democratic Party.

But what I cannot stand is the constant change in her campaign's logic as to what constitutes a "win" as if changing the parameters will somehow gain her the nomination. Her most recent argument is for popular vote. It is possible that if all the votes from Florida and Michigan are counted and if some screwy method of figuring out how many caucus votes were cast are tabulated, that Clinton could end this process with more popular votes than Obama.

Again I pose the question: If towards the end of the General Election Hillary has more Electoral College votes, but McCain has more popular votes (just like Bush/Gore in 2000,) would Clinton be okey-dokey with changing the pre-existing rules of the election so that the people's voice could be heard and counted and thus hand the Presidency over to McCain?

According to her logic, yes. And I think that is just mind numbingly idiotic.

Hillary needs $5... make that $10 or $4600

I was clicking through CNN and thought it was funny that there was a "Contribute $5 to Hillary" advertisement next to a story about Obama.




So I clicked the link and the Clinton page came up so that I could donate my hard working, white man dollars, but...


$5 is nowhere to be seen.


I see $10 and I see $4600, but $5 just ain't gonna cut it anymore!

From what I read, she'll need to trick an additional 2 million people into giving $10 or 4348 people into giving $4600 just to break even on her campaign debt. Good luck!

Hillary's last ditch fund raising plan

Hand written note from Hillary to Obama concerning the Florida and Michigan votes

Clinton demands votes from middle school students should count

Lancaster, OH (AP) With Senator Hillary Clinton so close to catching Senator Barack Obama, every vote counts; even if that vote comes from a middle schooler. Earlier today, the Clinton Campaign announced it would seek to count the votes from not only Florida and Michigan, but also the votes from a mock primary election held at the General Sherman Middle School in Lancaster, OH.

"It's a very close race, but if you count, as I count, the 2.3 million people who voted in Michigan and Florida, along with the 82 votes from General Sherman Middle School, then we are going to build on that," the New York senator said.

The mock election was held last Tuesday when the students’ interest in the primaries was piqued after the Ohio primary. Many of the students made posters, held rallies and created negative ad campaigns on YouTube.

Clinton Spokeswoman Norma Wright claimed that the students’ votes should count, “We cannot continue to disenfranchise voters, especially the younger voters. Pissed off kids usually end up becoming Republicans”

Some students did not vote in protest of the electronic voting machines that were used in the mock election. Seventh grader Mark summed it up, “These Sequoia Voting Systems machines are whack.”

General Sherman eight grade Class Treasurer and Hillary Clinton Fan Club president Rhonda Dotts remarked, “The kids that didn’t vote in protest are just doin’ it because it’s cool to protest and not to vote in protest and stuff.”

When was asked about counting the votes won by Obama from the caucus held across the city at Thomas Ewing Middle School, Hillary dismissed the votes explaining, “We can’t win caucuses so we do not believe in them.”

Hillary's Blatant Product Placement

Hillary's Math

Ask for “The Hillary”

Next time you are at your local elitist bar, ask for “The Hillary.”

A shot of Crown Royal
A bottle of Corona

Sip the shot until one of your staff informs you what a shot is, then cross your eyes and knock back the whole thing.

Pour the Corona into a frosted mug to hide the fact it is a Corona.

Enjoy until 2:55am and leave the bar with excuse of having to take a phone call.

Deny everything the next day and explain your weaving in the parking lot was to dodge sniper fire.

Hillary's Answer to the "Last Time She Fired a Gun" Question

Clinton's Delegate Numbers

Clintons' Tax Return

The Real Question is: After Eight Years, Is George Bush Experienced Enough to Be President?

There has been some banter back and forth about Obama’s experience being less than Hillary’s because she had eight years of on the job training, behind the scenes, not baking cookies in the White House. Of course then people ask if Laura Bush is qualified for the Presidency because she has eight years experience, chain smoking at the White House.

The real question should be: Is George Bush experienced enough to be President? He’s got eight years, 9/11, and two wars under his belt. Knowing what we know now, with Bush’s eight years of experience, would anyone, besides the Jesus Crispies, have voted for him in 2000? If they could again in 2008?

Now… how much does “White House experience” matter?

Hilliary's take on plagiarism

The difference between Clinton and Obama

Republican Party to America: “We quit.”

As a Republican, I find myself wondering what the hell is going on. It is true my Republican affiliation has been increasingly fading and the closest fragment of the party I can hang my hat on is with the Log Cabin Republicans. (It’s tough to be an atheist, pro-choice Republican.)

I see you other Republicans. Hands clasped behind your backs. Innocently whistling skyward. Walking slowly backwards away from George Bush and the inevitable nominee, John McCain. You are giving up. Senators. Talking heads. The pundits, or as they will be called in the coming weeks, “punt-its,” have already dropped back 14 and a half yards and are praying for a Hillary nomination. Dust off the 1996 Playbook boys and change the date on the cover!

Oh sure, when it’s our troops fighting overseas we shake our fists and rant, “No Retreat!” But when we can’t find a Republican candidate that isn’t a Faux-Moderate or a Fundamentalist Kook, we start waving the white flag and digging four year trenches. It’s much easier to bring out Limbaugh’s re-runs, hope the Democrats screw up and hand us the elections in 2010 and 2012.

There are several reasons Republicans want to give up now. First off, we can see how our current silly candidates are caught in a winless battle with themselves. Everyone is playing nice because they realize that McCain is so fragile and it is way too easy to beat up on for his political past and present. Huckabee’s a douche. Even Ron Paul, who doesn’t have sheep’s chance in West Virginia, is a better Republican pick than McCain. I can’t wait for the Democrats’ commercials which will be filled with McCain’s own fatalistic quotes about jobs never coming back, War and a Middle East military presence lasting for 100 - 1000 years. You’ve heard the radio personalities say they’d rather vote for Hillary than McCain… how insane is that?

Second, Bush has utterly and completely left a mentally and fiscally, tattered and torn America behind and the person who attempts to change it is not going to make a lot of friends. So why should we take it on the chin when we’ve got the Dems to do it for us? Until we learn to confront Bush on his some of his ignorant policies and overspending, we are never going to get out from under his greasy, dead-eye determination shadow.

And finally, with the lackluster candidate and without a banner to stand behind, Republican turnout in November will be meager at best. Why even try? At most we are hoping for a Hillary nomination to bring out the Clinton-Hate vote. If Obama gets the nod, just stay in your trench and head for the safety of the internet.

Once the Dems finally pick a candidate (and quit hoping that they will start in-fighting,) McCain will fall apart. I’ll watch from the sidelines as McCain recants, re-remembers and sticks his lip out. All he has to stand behind now is War and Life and that just doesn’t cut it anymore.

If it comes down to Hillary vs McCain… I guess I, too, will be staying at home in my trench because I am a weak spine, denied entry to the Log Cabin Republicans, pro-choice, disenfranchised and disillusioned Republican. And if the opportunity arises, once I flip the switch to vote for Obama, I won’t even be that anymore.