HolyJuan: Erik Eats

Showing posts with label Erik Eats. Show all posts

This would make for a great Erik Eats episode

Erik Eats: MARATHON!

For those of you unaware, Erik and I no longer work together. Let's just say that those sexual harassment "guidelines" actually stand up in court. What this means is that our "Erik Eats" segments are going to be few and far between.

The only good news to all of this is that the food we had stockpiled in my cubical needed Eats and Erik was on board to plow his way through everything we had left. So at my going away party at Hal & Al's in Columbus, OH, we did it.

So here it is: The Erik Eats Marathon.

A bright orange package arrives! What could it contain?

Open carefully!

Oh dear! A treasure trove of delightful solids and liquids!!

It's Super Supau Drink and Kuai Kuai Corn Snack!

And look! Some kind of lollipop thing and Preserved Fruit of Haw!

MORE?

Some kind of crayon shaped food. (With a premature thumbs up.)

Hyper Cool Gum!

How did this get in there?

Let us begin.

Kuai Kuai Corn Snack BAG OPEN!

Smell?

It's just the sweet, sweet smell of coconut.

Eat one.

Eat many!

Nom nom nom nom nom nom.

Erik says.... delicious!

Next!

It's Preserved Fruit of Haw!

It's Preserved Fruit of Haw in a pre-opened package that maybe we might have already gotten into because we were hungry!

Erik removes the last individually wrapped stick of haw fruit from the package.

Erik struggles to remove the wrapper.

Look! A friend has joined us. It's Freckled Jen to the rescue.

Even with Jen's help, Erik struggles to get the wrapper off. Perhaps it is the flashbacks to years ago as an awkward 24 year old when he had trouble getting a wrapper off something else for the first time?

Erik goes in for the age old "Lady and the Tramp" move.

Fail!

Failure or not, Erik goes in for the kill.

Decision?

STILL MORE TO COME!!

Erik Eats: Whistle Candy - The Sound and the Tasty

This week, Erik delves into both music and deliciousness. This edition of Erik Eats presents the holiness that is CORIS Whistle Candy.

It looks like a bunch of Life Savers with a box, but we have been fooled before, so we'll take this step by step.

Erik asks, how do I open it?

Use the easy open corner tab!

Erik uses to easy open corner tab and reveals the white roundness inside.

There is a box inside and so Erik opens it to reveal...

A Ring! A real plastic fake ring!

Erik is overcome with emotion and decides in the spur of the moment to propose to Josh.

While Josh was also overtaken by emotion, he had to turn Erik down as Josh is married to the stage and the stage is already screwing Josh and she does not take kindly to cheaters.

Erik found poor Kim and pretended like she was actually his first pick.

She shot him down and Erik was sad.

But then Erik realized there was only one other person out there in the big empty that was good enough for Erik.

He said YES!

After they consummated the moment, we got back to the candy.

The candy is a bit lighter in weight and fatter in size than life savers. There must be something going on inside.

We got out the blade and started choppin'.

They are hollow! Maybe this is what the whistle part of whistle candy is all about.

Before consuming this hollow treat, Erik tries to get it to whistle.

What this doesn't show is that five minutes later I tried one of the candies and whistled loudly enough to have the marketing folks crawl out of their Luxury Suite Cubicles and ask us what the fuck we were doing.

And then it was time for the tasting. Erik eats...

And...

It's good!

Next week: boiled goat num num nums.

Erik Eats Haw Flakes: Of Flatness, Fruit Arises

Who knew that stomach pumping could take a toll on one's body? Well, Erik. Erik knows. So let's disperse with the sad remembrances of the last Erik Eats Lead Paint and move on to something better:

Haw Flakes

What sounds like a cereal is actually something else. Let's take a look.

Inside the package it looks like 10 individually wrapped tubes.

The nutritional information tells us that there is absolutely no nutritional value to this food. I guess that means it is Erik Eats Worthy©.

Erik opens the package.

Erik tries harder to open the package.

Erik gets tired of fucking around.

Ah haw! His knife wielding skills reveals a cylindrical package.

I'm going to ignore the fact that the ingredients on the package say "baw" instead of "haw."

What's this!?

Instead of suing, Erik takes the high road and uses the symbol to help him get ready for his Teal'c from Stargate SG-1 Halloween costume.
Erik as Teal'c