My Pineapple Heart

I wrote a draft of a play called "My Pineapple Heart."  In acquaintance of mine (yes, I am allowed to have an acquaintance,) MaryBeth, mentioned that she had a very small pineapple (smaller than normal) and my friendquaintance (one step up from an acquaintance) Wooz was taking plays for his yearly Valentine show at St. James Tavern.  This didn't get picked, but I thought I would share. It still needs a lot of work, but this is probably the last I will ever touch it.

My Pineapple Heart

Guy

Hi, anyone sitting here?

Girl

Not anymore.

Guy

I’ve seen you here at the St. James a couple of times. 

Girl

Oh yeah, you were playing pool?

Guy

You… you noticed me?

Girl

Ha! No. It’s just that there’s a pretty good chance that anyone coming here was or is going to play pool.

Guy 

I can’t help but see that you have a pineapple strapped to your chest.

Girl

Oh? Is it noticeable?

Guy 

Well, it’s a small pineapple. Smaller than normal.

Girl

His name is Charles, but I call him Charlie.

Guy 

Do you carry it in case of a fruity drink emergency?

Girl

No.

Guy

Is it some kind of Japanese fashion trend?

Girl

No.

Guy

Did you lose a bet?

Girl

This is my heart.

Guy

Your heart?

Girl

My heart. The mass of muscle that beats endlessly and keeps us alive. My heart.

Guy

You mean it’s a symbol of your heart.

Girl

No.  My heart was taken from me.

Guy 

Stolen?

Girl

Ripped out.  Ripped right out. I was lying there on the floor about to die, but I was able to reach Charlie. Somehow, I made it though. I fashioned this sling to keep it on me.

Guy

Who took your heart?

Girl

A guy. His name is Joe.

Guy

Is he the guy you come here with?

Girl

Yeah.  Used to.

Guy

So Joe, I assume, broke up with you, took your heart and this pineapple heart is the replacement.

Girl

The pineapple is perfect for me to replace my heart. It’s smaller than normal. It’s spikey in all sorts of places. It’s ugly. The core is rough and gritty. But if you know how to work your way in there, there is sweetness inside. Was. Not sure anymore.

Guy

I’ve seen you here before.  I’ve always wanted to talk to you, but you’ve always been with a guy. With Joe.

Girl

You’ve been watching me?

Guy

Not in a creepy way.

Girl

When you watch someone more than once and you don’t say hello, it’s creepy.

Guy

I think that Joe guy would not have appreciated me coming over to say hello.

Girl

Joe didn’t appreciate much.

Guy

How long are you going to wear that?

Girl

Forever. Until I’m dead. Whichever comes first.

Guy

Listen. I’m just the creepy guy playing pool that stares as you, but you’ve got to know that there’re other guys out there.

Girl

That… that is so cheesy. 

Guy

What I mean is this: this pineapple isn’t your heart. And Joe didn’t rip it out of you. You gave it to him. You let him have it. And he broke it.

Girl

Yes. I guess you are right.

Guy

But hearts aren’t made to give. They are meant to be shared. Equally. With someone who I… someone you loves you as much as you love them.

Girl

I… I think I know what you are saying.

Guy

Yes?

Girl

I’ve been blind this whole time!

Guy

Yes!

Girl

I don’t need to give my heart away, I need to share it.

Guy

Yes! Share it!

Girl

Thank you! I’m going to go find Joe and give it another chance.  Thank you!

Guy

But! But I..

Girl

I did it all wrong  the first time around. This time, things will be different. Thank you!

(She kisses him on the cheek.)

GIRL

I don’t need this anymore. (She removes the pineapple and throws it on the bar.)

Joe! (She leaves.)

The guy stands up and watches her go. He then clutches his chest and bends over in pain.  With a gasp, he reaches for the pineapple and puts it on.